Done With the GMAT

I finally have my life back!  For the past year I have been devoting time and energy toward one test.  A test I put too much weight on, and caused much anxiety in my life.

I was originally supposed to take the GMAT a few months ago, but suffered a pretty bad anxiety attack a few days before and cancelled.  When I got a chance to really take a step back and contemplate on where this anxiety was rooting from, I realized it was the classic case of Samantha taking things to the extreme.  I would catch my subconscious saying things such as “Everything depends on this one score” or “My future depends on this one test,” and that’s just not the case.

I was torturing myself.  I was torturing myself mentally and I was killing off any chances of maintaining a healthy social life.  If I took a night off studying I was guilty the entire time.  The GMAT was my reality and it was all that mattered.  What a way to live life.

I’m ecstatic that I’m done with the test…for now.  I went into the testing center confident and ready.  I had a range of scores I was shooting for and I had decided on the lowest score I would accept and send to schools.

How did I do?

I scored 10 points lower than the bottom score I was willing to accept.  Was it a failure?  I don’t think so.  I accepted that score and went about my day.  I was so happy to be done with the test that I didn’t have time to beat myself up about the score.  I immediately thought about all of the hobbies I could pick back up: reading for leisure, writing on this blog, doing more volunteer hours, and working toward my entrepreneurial goal.  I have put so much on the back burner for so long I’m just excited to take some time to do what I want and not what I feel I have to.

But it’s not over.  I will be taking the test again because I know I can do a lot better.  One lesson learned is I am not a self learner.  All that self study didn’t do much for me in the long run.  I need to be taught, so I’ll take it again in a few years when I can afford to get a tutor and really learn the information rather than graze over it every night after work.

For now, the GMAT is no more than 4 letters to me.  I’m excited to back to the things I want to do.  I’m ready for life again!

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