I finally have my life back! For the past year I have been devoting time and energy toward one test. A test I put too much weight on, and caused much anxiety in my life.
I was originally supposed to take the GMAT a few months ago, but suffered a pretty bad anxiety attack a few days before and cancelled. When I got a chance to really take a step back and contemplate on where this anxiety was rooting from, I realized it was the classic case of Samantha taking things to the extreme. I would catch my subconscious saying things such as “Everything depends on this one score” or “My future depends on this one test,” and that’s just not the case.
I was torturing myself. I was torturing myself mentally and I was killing off any chances of maintaining a healthy social life. If I took a night off studying I was guilty the entire time. The GMAT was my reality and it was all that mattered. What a way to live life.
I’m ecstatic that I’m done with the test…for now. I went into the testing center confident and ready. I had a range of scores I was shooting for and I had decided on the lowest score I would accept and send to schools.
How did I do?
I scored 10 points lower than the bottom score I was willing to accept. Was it a failure? I don’t think so. I accepted that score and went about my day. I was so happy to be done with the test that I didn’t have time to beat myself up about the score. I immediately thought about all of the hobbies I could pick back up: reading for leisure, writing on this blog, doing more volunteer hours, and working toward my entrepreneurial goal. I have put so much on the back burner for so long I’m just excited to take some time to do what I want and not what I feel I have to.
But it’s not over. I will be taking the test again because I know I can do a lot better. One lesson learned is I am not a self learner. All that self study didn’t do much for me in the long run. I need to be taught, so I’ll take it again in a few years when I can afford to get a tutor and really learn the information rather than graze over it every night after work.
For now, the GMAT is no more than 4 letters to me. I’m excited to back to the things I want to do. I’m ready for life again!